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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189787">waiting on you (again)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kithtattoo/pseuds/kithtattoo'>kithtattoo</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Women's Soccer RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2017 nwsl championship, Angst, F/F, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:00:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23189787</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kithtattoo/pseuds/kithtattoo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s easy to sleep with Hayley because she’s nothing like Lindsey.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Emily Sonnett/Hayley Raso, Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>waiting on you (again)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>probably not the saso you wanted, but the one i could give you.</p><p>unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine.</p><p>title from circles, by post malone</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It feels like a dream.</p><p>90 minutes of the most physical game in Emily’s life. The humid heat of Orlando making sweat trickle down the nape of her neck and pool up on the diple’s of her back everytime she ran to stop Lynn from getting to the ball first, or to intercept Jmac’s shots, or to lower down the defensive line so AD could escape the pressure.</p><p>When the ref called a handball on Abby on the 56’ Emily almost didn’t think anything of it, the ball placed too close to the centre circle that it could be equal parts a threat to the defense and an attacking opportunity. </p><p>Emily almost ran to the box, trading places with Tobin, but Mark was screaming on the sideline, gesturing wildly for her to take it. </p><p>At 4 p.m the sun was just starting to set behind the opponent’s goalpost, and Emily had to squint her eyes to identify her teammates.</p><p>One second later, she took a deep breath, sending a hopeful ball blindly to the Courage’s box.</p><p>And Lindsey Horan found it.</p><p>//</p><p>Emily isn’t sure exactly when she fell in love with Lindsey.</p><p>Rose likes to tease her by saying it was love at first sight, and, as much as she blushes profusely and tells Rose to shut up,  Emily isn’t confident she can deny that.</p><p>She knows Rose’s right when Lindsey is the first one she finds after the whistle is blown, when Lindsey allows her to climb on top of her as they cling onto each other for dear life. </p><p>Even so, never was this love as strong as the one bursting her chest open right now, as she watches Lindsey accept the MVP of the game award, hair messy, cheeks flushed and tears prickling the corners of her eyes. Watching Lindsey hug their teammates, cry while giving a speech, laugh fondly at her when she almost drowns in champagne makes Emily incredibly aware of what she feels, and she can sense that this love starts on the tips of her fingers and runs all through her body, no end in sight.</p><p>//</p><p>They’re all drunk, and Emily’s not surprised.</p><p>Even Tobin, who usually shies away from alcohol after two or three beers, but is now 4 shots in and facetiming Christen somewhere. Even Sinc, flushed red under the flourescent lights of some bar in Midtown Orlando, talking way too loudly with AD while Kling tries to hold her up.</p><p>Emily’s hammered too, one too many tequila shots making her head spin as she’s stuck between Allie and Menges as they try to understand what Amandine’s saying.</p><p>None of that surprises her half-coherent brain. Nadia’s as loud as always, Dagny and Celeste are somewhere in the back singing way too off-key just like they do in the locker room, Emily herself has as many quips on the tip of her tongue as she does when she’s sober.</p><p>What surprises her is that <em> he </em>is there.</p><p>Hanging around Lindsey like he’s her bodyguard, playing with the medal wrapped around her neck, one hand always too heavy on her hips while she’s talking to her parents or to Mark, stealing glances at Emily like he knows she’s watching, like he knows he gets to be possessive and she doesn’t.</p><p>And Lindsey - maybe Emily’s too drunk to notice the usual signs Lindsey gives off when she’s around him. It’s 2 a.m and they have to be up in 5 hours to take the plane back to Portland and Emily’s 5 shots of tequila and two beers in and she can’t be sure if the way Lindsey rests her hand on top of his, if the way she leans back against his body and cranes her neck to whisper something in his ear is something she’s done before or it’s the effect of the most exhausting 90 minutes of her life, too much beer and familiarity. </p><p>He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t get to share a space that belongs to her and Lindsey, tainting the colors of her victory night in a way that suffocates her, shouldn’t get to bask in the glory of sweaty and drunk and MVP Lindsey Horan while Emily’s barely talked to Linda and Mike all night, too scared of not being welcomed between them even though they’re her family too.</p><p>He should be somewhere in Colorado, training his youth team and looking too intensely at innocent girls like he’s done his whole life.</p><p>Instead, he’s here, leaning down to whisper in Lindsey’s ear, wrapping his lips around her jaw, resting one hand on her thigh while the other motions to the bathroom, enough mischief in his eyes to make Emily nauseous. </p><p>And when Lindsey looks up at him, biting her lip, and excuses herself from her family to follow him to the bathroom, Emily turns around to the bar, ordering another drink, stronger.</p><p>//</p><p>It’s easy to pretend she doesn’t miss Lindsey.</p><p>She lets Hayley and Tyler rope her into doing the Macarena, hands on each others waists until the whole bar is celebrating in line with them. Emma leaves around 3 a.m, road tripping with her husband to Atlanta after lunch, and then it’s just Emily and her friends, more alcohol shared between them than what’s enough to fill up an Olympic pool.</p><p>It’s easy to let Sinc give her one of her drunk pep talks, pressing her hand’s on Emily’s shoulders emphatically until she starts to tear up. It’s easy to play beer-pong with AD and her wife, nevermind she’s missing her usual partner, and it’s easy to accept colorful drinks from random strangers with Thorns scarves wrapped around their necks, much more intention behind their eyes than simply to congratulate her.</p><p>It’s even easier, though, falling into step with Hayley. </p><p>Hayley, who is smaller than her and whose eyes crinkle whenever she smiles. Hayley, who, when everyone ran towards Lindsey to celebrate the goal, sprinted in her direction, jumping on her back and making them both fall to the grass. </p><p>Not only it’s easy, it’s - nice. Emily deserves to feel nice and good and wanted, and Hayley wraps her arms around her shoulders like it’s nothing, sits on her lap like she belongs there tonight, whispers on her ear how the shenanigans of their friends are equal parts hilarious and embarrassing like she wants Emily to know her opinion. </p><p>It’s easy to attach herself to Hayley like she’s her lifeline in a sea she doesn’t know how to navigate, mostly because Emily’s not sure if Hayley has ever been this touchy and attentive with her before, and when she finally spots Lindsey leaving the bathroom, cheeks flushed and eyes casted on the floor, she turns to Hayley, grabbing her hips.</p><p>“Let’s dance,” Emily says, loud enough through the music.</p><p>Hayley squints. Emily can see how hazy her eyes are when they scan the whole room before landing on Emily’s, and a primal part of her brain hopes Lindsey’s watching.</p><p>“Are you sure?” Hayley asks, curling her hand around Emily’s neck, and she nods halfway  through the loaded question.</p><p>//</p><p>Taking Hayley’s hand and dragging her to the dance floor feels good. Just like curling her hands around Hayley’s waist, moving until they’re so close together they’re breathing the same air, until Emily can rest her face on Hayley’s neck and Hayley can place her hands on Emily’s hair.</p><p>When the song changes to a slower one, Emily lifts her head from Hayley’s shoulder, and when she takes a moment to properly look at her there’s a new light shining behind Hayley’s eyes that makes her shiver.</p><p>//</p><p>Hayley’s rooming with Nadia, and on their way up on the elevator she assures Emily it’s alright, because Nadia’s sleeping with her family tonight. </p><p>That’s why Emily wastes no time pushing Hayley against the wall in the dark, closing the door behind them and smashing their lips together. </p><p>It’s frantic and rushed because the alcohol is making every nerve-ending of her body stand up. With their mouths still attached, Hayley gets rids of her jacket, digging her nails on the sides of Emily’s body and pushing her towards the bed.</p><p>Hayley straddles her hips, slowly grinding in a way that’s too coordinated for someone who drank as much as Emily knows she did tonight. No one of it matters, though, because Hayley lifts her arms to take off her shirt, the skin of her chest burning on Emily’s fingertips as her tongue moves in dirty circles inside Emily’s mouth. </p><p>There’s something primal about the thrill she gets when she realizes how big her hands are on Hayley’s hips, and when Hayley pushes her shoulders to get her to lay down, she quickly turns them around. She needs to do this, needs to be in charge and dominating, needs to feel like she has control over something in her life otherwise she will have a breakdown.</p><p>Hayley is hot and that’s a no-brainer. Emily wraps her lips around a stiff nipple and Hayley throws her head back, clawing on Emily’s skin, and that sends a shiver through Emily’s body. She sucks on her collarbone and leaves marks on the undersides of her breasts and when she reaches down to tease her fingertips on Hayley’s entrance Emily finds her so wet that the thought of why they haven’t been doing this this whole time crosses her mind.</p><p>She realizes it’s easy with Hayley because she’s nothing like Lindsey, and this thought almost makes Emily throw up.</p><p>It’s easy because Hayley’s hair is brown and her eyes are hazel, easy because she’s hard in places Emily thinks Lindsey’s soft and her nails are painted red - not white. It’s easy because when Emily enters her with two fingers, the accent that curls around Hayley’s tongue when she moans Emily’s name is Australian and not southwestern, and even when she comes, the sweat that trickles down her throat tastes wrong, and Emily knows it’s because it’s nothing like how she imagines Lindsey tastes like.</p><p>Hayley flips them over easily, and when Emily sees her pupils dilated and her eyes shining her chest fills with grief, enough that she almost tells Hayley to stop, almost confesses she’s only half-heartedly in it.</p><p>Hayley doesn’t seem to realize it, though, and when she trails a path of wet kisses from Emily’s chest to her clit, digging her fingernails on Emily’s thighs just how she likes the best, the image of Lindsey only flickers through her mind once - Lindsey across from her eating avocado toast, looking at Emily with such fondness it her chest fills with <em> hope </em> - and it’s enough.</p><p>Emily comes the hardest she’s ever had in her life, and she doesn’t even get to bask in the bliss of it before Hayley plops down on the bed beside her. She immediately feels guilty, dirty and cheap and dizzy with regret. Emily knows there’s nothing to do with Hayley - sweet, gentle Hayley, one of her best friends, her teammate - and that she’d still feel like this with any other person, but it doesn’t stop her from feeling like she took advantage of Hayley in a moment they were both weak, drunk and pining over other people.</p><p>Emily makes a half-hearted excuse to get up and go to the bathroom. She stays in there too long, washing her face and scrubbing her chest, finding herself thankful Hayley didn’t leave any marks that’d make what happened real in the morning. </p><p>When she leaves, Hayley’s asleep under the covers, and Emily puts on her clothes quietly, careful not to disturb her sleeping friend. She doesn’t look at Hayley again, too scared of her own reaction, but she knows she will understand why Emily didn’t leave any notes, didn’t say goodbye, didn’t stay the night.</p><p>//</p><p>When Emily gets to her own room, Sinc’s not there, and she’s so relieved she almost cries.</p><p>She almost cries again anyway when she flops down on her bed, face pressed against the pristine white pillows, mind racing.</p><p>She can’t quite believe what she just did, and the more she thinks about it, the more a knot forms itself on the base of her throat, threatening to suffocate her.</p><p>The noise of someone knocking on her door takes her out of this loophole, but she feels like she can’t breathe when she sees Lindsey’s the one on the other side.. For half a second, she’s scared Lindsey knows, scared Lindsey is there to fight with her and will accuse her and yell at her and be mad at her even though there’s no way, there’s no way she knows Emily just had the most intense orgasm of her life with Hayley between her legs and Lindsey on her mind.</p><p>She opens the door anyway, and hopes for the best.</p><p>Every aspect of her body language indicates how drunk Lindsey is. Her eyelids are heavy and her brow is furrowed, she’s got her arms crossed and can’t stop sniffing, like she’s not aware of the spacial difference between the outside and the inside of her body. </p><p>Emily isn’t able to speak before Lindsey launches herself towards her, curling around Emily’s body and resting her chin on Emily’s shoulder. She’s heavy and tired, and her body smells like vodka and beer and sweat, and it’s such a stark sensorial contrast to the situation Emily was just in that she feels dizzy, pushing Lindsey towards the bed so she can lay down.</p><p>Lindsey pulls her together, resting her head on Emily’s chest, and she hopes, she prays Lindsey can’t notice how fast her heart is beating, how tender Emily’s fingers are when they reach down to take Lindsey’s hair out of her face. That’s Emily’s favorite place to be in and she can’t deny it, too comfortable around Lindsey like she’s her home.</p><p>She feels good like this, encompassed by Lindsey, surrounded by her smell and her weight and her skin in a way that grounds her, that she’s sure could make her forget every other thing in the world.</p><p>“Where’s everyone?” Emily murmurs when Lindsey sinks into her, and she hopes Lindsey knows exactly who she’s talking about. </p><p>“Left,” Lindsey mumbles, sneaking her arms around Emily’s waist. “Told’em to go. Wanna be with you.”</p><p>Emily can feel when Lindsey starts to fall asleep, curled around her like a blanket, and it takes every piece of strength in her body not to cry. She knows Lindsey can’t possible be aware of the effect those words have on her heart, knows Lindsey doesn’t know about Hayley the same way Emily herself is trying to ignore how she’s tracing her fingertips on skin Russell’s touched not only hours before.</p><p>For a moment, none of it matters. Not the hookup and not shitty boyfriends, not the gold medal wrapped inside Emily’s suitcase, not the apartment they share in Portland, not the fact they will part ways in 2 days, both going south but Emily going farther. There, with Lindsey on her arms, Emily lets herself forget.</p><p>Now, she sinks on her bed, wrapping her arms tightly around Lindsey, resting her lips on the top of Lindsey’s head, and the rhythm their heart beats together is soft and familiar and easy.</p><p>Easier than anything she’s ever had to do.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wash ur hands and stay at home, people.</p><p>you can find me and yell at me on @kithtattoofc</p></blockquote></div></div>
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